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My Big Quit

Looking forward to a healthier me…

Days 4 to 8 – Feeling Accomplished

I know, I know. It has been a few days since I’ve blogged. The truth is, I haven’t had much time or the desire to really. But here I am now! Bright and early on a Thursday morning – Day 8 of my quit!

I last wrote in the middle of Day 3. That entire day was pretty much a wash. Very close to my worst day since I quit. Day 4 (Sept 14th) has definitely been the worst day so far though. The day itself wasn’t bad. I kept busy doing crafts for my best friend’s wedding in October, which was definitely good. I found it really easy to keep my hands and mind busy throughout the day. In the evening my boyfriend, Scott and I went to a fundraiser event with his Aunt. The event was a lot of fun, but I did find myself having cravings through moments of boredom. Scott drove, and on the way back, his Aunt asked if she could still smoke in the car. Before I was able to respond, Scott did. He told her “Yeah, that’s fine.” THAT’S FINE?! I was screaming in my mind. NO! I wanted to say, THAT IS NOT FINE! So she proceeded to smoke in my vehicle. It took all I had to hold back the tears in those moments.

Day 5 (Sept 13th) – This was a good day. I was angry with Scott for what happening the previous evening, but I managed to keep myself busy throughout the day. I did groceries, and prepared my lunches and snacks for the work week. All in all, a very good day.

Day 6 (Sept 14th) and Day 7 (Sept 15th) – Feeling good. I started coughing up tar on Day 6. The only day really since I quit. I’ve been feeling really tired these 2 days, which I know is normal. I’m restless through the night. I don’t usually wake up from a sleep, but I have been every night since I quit – usually around 4am. I don’t feel like I have been able to get into the deep sleeps that I used to. Still no smoking though!

Day 8 (Sept 16th) – This is my 1 week mark! I’m so proud of myself for getting this far. I find the Nicoderm Patch is helping a lot. My cravings are very minimal, and it doesn’t even both me to watch others smoke now. It does bother me when people are smoking around me though, but I quickly learned that I just need to stay away from those people. I feel like this quit is going to be my most successful quit yet!

Day 9 (Today) – I’m just not feeling like myself today. I have been so tired this week. I feel like I’m on auto-pilot, just going through the motions of each day. Good thing about today though – I have lost 3 pounds since I quit smoking. I have been trying really hard not to gain weight, so I have been eating a lot more, but all healthy foods. Hopefully I can keep that going as well.

Well, that’s all for today! Let’s see what today brings…

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Day 3 – Feeling Defeated

Wow! If you thought Day 1 and 2 were bad, you don’t want to know about Day 3.

Today is the worst day since my quit. My anxiety is through the roof, and I’m starting to feel dizzy and nauseous. I would kill for a cigarette right now. It isn’t my first go at quitting so I know what to expect in the first month, but the way I’m feeling right now isn’t at all how I felt last year when I quit.

I would love a bed right now. My eyes are tired, and I have absolutely no energy. So little energy that I don’t really want to write right now. I am though because I want to be able to look back at these blogs a year from now to see how I was feeling on each day through this process.

So… here’s hoping for a better tomorrow!

Bring it on Day 2!

Almost 2 whole days have passed now, and I still have not had a cigarette. Yippee! That’s progress, right? I’m told that the first couple of days are the worst, so I figure if I can get through this week I will be laughing!

It’s weird how I can feel the anxiety build in my chest every time I crave a cigarette. I feel my chest tighten and my heartbeat gain speed. It feels as though I am going to have a heart attack, but I know that’s not the case.

I would say Day 1 was worse than today. I made the mistake of being around smokers yesterday. Even going into a different room did not help during those moments. It was a learning curve though. I learned that I need to stay away from smokers all together, otherwise it will just make my anxiety and cravings worse.

Today… today has been great! My cravings have been very minimal, and although I am still missing the taste, smell, and feeling of having a cigarette, I feel 10 times better than I did just a couple days ago. I would say I’ve definitely kicked Day 2’s ass!

Day 1 – The BIG Attempt

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The day started off like any other late summer day. The sun rose in the east, the clouds threatened rain in the sky, and the air was humid. It is Wednesday; another day of work. I showered as I always do; got dressed, and did my hair and make-up. I ate breakfast and prepared my lunch and snacks for the day. But is it really an ordinary day? For most, probably. For me? No. You see, I did a few things differently this morning. I stuck a circular, patch-like item to my arm today; I did not pull out a source of flame when I got into the car; and, most importantly, I did not reach into my purse and pull out a cigarette – something that has been a routine of mine for the past 10 years. Today is Day 1 of my quit. The beginning of the rest of my life.

Allow me to give you some insight into my life as a smoker…

When I was 13 I took my first drag of a cigarette. I did not cough or choke as I inhaled. I did not think it was gross or stupid, as I thought I would. In fact, when I took that first drag on the front steps of my childhood home, I felt calmer than I had in a long time. I wasn’t addicted at first though. I became a casual smoker for years after; smoking when I was with my friends, or when I went for walks. Nothing serious though. That was until I turned 16. At that point, my smoking became more frequent, and I started taking cigarettes from my dad when he wasn’t looking. I would never let my parents know though. They both smoked, but I knew they would kill me if they found out. I still wasn’t addicted though. It wasn’t until I was about 18-years-old when I started relying on cigarettes. The cravings became unbearable, and before I knew it, I was a full-time smoker. I never tried to stop. It was just something that I did; it was part of my life, and of who I was. It never occurred to me that it would have negative benefits on my health. Of course I knew it would – I’m not stupid – but it just wasn’t something I thought about. I smoked, and I smoked, and I smoked, and I smoked. That was until last year; I was 27 then. I had been seriously dating someone for nearly 2 years, and we decided we wanted to have children. My doctor told me I needed to quit. He told me how unhealthy it is to smoke while you’re pregnant, and that he wouldn’t help us until I quit. So, my boyfriend and I quit. It lasted exactly one month (a lot longer than I thought it would). That was my first serious attempt at quitting. I realized that if I wanted to have the future I desired that I would need to get rid of my disgusting habit. In that one month of not smoking, I felt better than I had in years. Breathing became easier, my singing voice was starting to go back to normal, and I was able to do things without having to stop for a cigarette. I relapsed though. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe I just wasn’t ready then. I was disappointed in myself, but I made the decision to start smoking again. I cut back drastically in hopes that I would quit again, but that didn’t happen.

It is now one year from my first quit attempt, and Day 1 of attempt #2. I have managed to get through half of the work day with no cigarettes, and very few cravings, thanks to the Nicoderm Patch that I stuck to my arm this morning. From this point on, my morning routine has changed. I don’t expect this process to be easy. It is going to be very difficult, but I am determined, and I will do everything in my power to fight this addiction. I know that I am not doing this alone. Along for the ride is my boyfriend of nearly 3 years now (he quit on Monday), and I hope you continue to follow my big quit as well. Let’s see how far I can take this! Forever I hope…

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